Communication:

We are always communication with each other. The key is noticing when you are communicating with your partner and how you are communicating. If you are truly trying to repair or improve a relationship, you must focus on noticing your communication and on improving it. This is easier than it sounds. If you notice the times you communicate well, that will build upon itself. Like any practice or training, you will increase your ability to communicate well, and you will communicate more often and in ways that encourage your partner to reciprocate that.

Everyone is always in communication. When you are together with someone, you are in a constant state of communication. Even if someone is entirely shut down and silent, he is still “telling” you things about himself. The trick is noticing the communication and understanding it. Sometimes communication is not verbal. Sometimes you say something by saying nothing at all. A grunt, someone ignoring someone else or the silent treatment are all forms of communication, albeit negative ones. When there is a positive back and forth with your partner, the trick is to notice that and work to make it better. An example: A man tells his wife how his day is and the wife is listening, but perhaps she has something important she wants to say about her day too. The man should notice her silence and ask her about her day and listen to what his wife wants to get off her chest because his passive participation in the communication will make her feel better and improve the communication overall.

Why might some people not communicate well with each other?

The reason for people not communicating well with each other is that often people don’t feel like they are being heard or that their viewpoint is being respected. Communication can also be strained when one party brings up a particularly sore subject that the other partner does not feel like talking about right now. While there are never any topics in a relationship that should not be talked about at some point, the key is for partners to notice when they are opening up and communicating well with each other. “I’m not willing to talk about that right now,” is an open statement about the thing which you’re not willing talk about. When one pays attention to what he is doing and saying, and he is looking to improve himself, the things he does not do or say will go away.

Are there ever topics that should not be talked about?

No.

What about past sexual exploits?

Many people have different opinions about discussing their past sexual exploits. Discussing or not discussing this can build or destroy trust, depending on how this subject is communicated. It is a completely individual thing that varies with every relationship. Each relationship is like a snowflake. They all have many things similar about them, but each one is unique. Partners must communicate what they do or not want to discuss with each other and why. Broaching a potentially explosive subject together can be an opportunity to establish trust and understanding rather than damaging these essential relationship ingredients.

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What is certain, is that if you already have fangs, don’t bite people. The human mouth harbors an awful lot of bacteria and you can cause severe infection. Keep em just for style kids.

Dentists to the Undead: Where Can I Get Fangs?

It’s not easy being different. Kids can be an awfully cruel bunch too. That’s why those among us that can’t cope with normality often seek the embrace of other freakish misanthropes; after all, there’s strength and comfort in numbers.

What am I talking about? Fair question. Those of us who went to high school in the 90s certainly recall the Goth phenomena. Those pasty, mascara wearing sacks of sad who did their clothes shopping in a funeral parlor’s lost and found, listened to the Cure, Bauhaus and the Banshees and generally avoided you, save the occasional scornfully ironic gaze.

You might feel a twinge of sadness to know that, by and large, the Goth thing is over. Yep, it’s completely dead. No longer will you have to fear getting caught on someone’s oversized safety pins as you slip into class, or getting into a fight with a two hundred pound girl who looks like she thinks the cafeteria is the line to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. That’s the good news.

The bad news is much, much worse. See, while the Goth thing went away, a whole new breed has replaced it. Vampires: Real life vampires.  Vampires are the new Goths–or at least geeks that think they’re vampires anyway.

Now, when I say vampires, you’re probably thinking like Dracula, F.W. Murnau or the characters of Anne Rice’s novels. I’m not talking about those kinds of vampires; that would be silly. Rather these “real” vampires come with various sets of beliefs about what being a vampire actually means. Certain vampires have more radical tendencies than others and the subculture has given rise to numerous offshoots. Some drink actual blood. Others believe they are sustained by draining the life force of other beings. Many vampires are convinced they are actually other than human, while others suppose they merely experience a psychic connection with another being.

The subculture is accompanied by its own distinctive fashions: largely dark and dramatic in dress, somewhere between those high school Goths of the 90s, ravers and patrons of S&M clubs. Additionally, many engage in permanent physical mutilations to forever appear the part. These often entail teeth that have been shaved into fangs and tongues that have been split or forked demonically. In order to attain such features, an individual would have to employ a professional dentist or surgeon, as they are bona fide medical procedures that involve training, proper facilities and skills.

So where can you go if you decide you absolutely have to have some badass new fangs, or a reptilian, Gene Simmons tongue?

Well a split tongue would require an actual surgeon, so give that one up completely. The tongue houses some serious blood vessels, and a botched tongue splitting could leave you bleeding seriously. Most dentists also won’t give you the time of day, if you come in and ask to have your teeth shaved. It’s a weird request, and one that could cost them a dental license.

Lucky for you, it turns out that a select group of professionals specialize in exclusively creating fang caps for teeth. Unlike tacky, plastic costume fangs, these customized fangs are made using the same principles as ordinary tooth crowns or caps. A plaster mold is created of your mouth, which takes the distinct shape of your teeth. Once that’s done, the “dentist” will then create a unique set of fangs shaped to your teeth. Your new vamp caps will be real enough to bite with, but can easily be removed at bedtime or whenever you want to eat an apple. Fangs are made entirely from dental acrylic and won’t cause damage to gums like ordinary plastics might. Basically, they’re as real as any other dental implant.

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We often get called to jobs to open safes. Although some safes are extraordinarily complex and advanced, any safe can be opened. Safes can vary dramatically in difficulty. Some we can open in 60 seconds and some may take several days. If the safe has a lock, which they all do, it can theoretically be opened.

Reasons for people calling us to crack a safe are as varied as the safes are. You can have a case where someone just forgets to turn the dial. We’ll go to the location, ask for combination, and we find that he just forgot to turn the dial the correct amount of times. We’ll turn it, explain it, write down clearer instructions, charge a service fee and we are on our way.

In other cases, we also do government applications. We are asked to open extremely high-security (what they call red label) safes, which are often on government and military bases. The reasons why they cannot get in the safes can vary here as well. Perhaps the safe was being transported from one place to another and while safe is being moved the relocker went off or the locks are out of alignment. This is a common safety feature in red label safes and it can be triggered by a sudden bump to the safe. These safes contain important government documents and these people need access. They hire us to open the safes and it is technically involved.

You can spend a lot of time on one safe. These are not the type of safes where you can show up with a drill and start drilling holes because if the relocker has been reset, you really have to know what you are doing. You have to have prior knowledge of the safe, you have to have the right tools to open it. And after opening it, you have to do a repair to make sure the safe is functional again. That may involve resetting the relocker, replacing an electric keypad lock, repairing the hinges… you name it and we’ve done it.

So where is the line drawn? Are there any safes you cannot open?

We have not yet encountered a safe we cannot open. For the majority of smiths, they will, at some point, encounter safes they can’t do. For experienced locksmiths that do safe cracking, it may take days but you will eventually get the safe open.

So what are the hardest safes to crack?

The red label safes for government application are definitely the hardest to crack, but we have also had other uniquely difficult jobs. We once opened safe at hotel in Manhattan that was foreign-made and had glass plates built within the safe. Our job was to open it without doing any damage. That was extremely complex work that took a lot of back and forth. We went there several times and were in regular contact with safe’s manufacturers, looking at the schematics, learning what could go wrong and where the relocker might be. That one took us a long time, but by doing it the right way one step at a time, we got the safe open. And about six months later, we got the replacement lock from the company in Germany that made the replacement safe lock.

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Quick Notice of Etiquette

Looking at boobs that aren’t your significant others has always been frowned upon by society. There’s the eye catch, and then of course the eye roll, swiftly followed by the drooping of the head in shame and embarrassment. We’ve all done it, but why not analyze what’s really going on there. Boobs, or breasts, are some of nature’s most gorgeous and unapologetic sculptures; they provide life for struggling hungry babies and they also provide incentive (more on that later). So, why not flaunt your breasts, let the opposing sex enjoy them, and not be so darn protective. I mean hey, when life hands you lemons, you surgically implant those lemons into your chest cavity to make it look like your “thingies” are bigger.

With that said, here’s the list.

5.  Jewel

It’s hard to tell if they actually got bigger since they were hidden behind an acoustic guitar and a cardigan sweater for so long, but this counts as a boob job regardless.

Remember Jewel?  She sang a song that sounded like this- “Who will shaaave your shoul?”  It’s okay if you don’t remember, in fact, you’re better off forgetting that Jewel.  Of course I’m talking about the old Jewel, the one who played at Lilith Fair, sang while playing acoustic guitar (on a stool no less), and looked like a middle school guidance counselor.

But that all changed when she released her album 0304, which ditched her former folky aspirations for a more dance-oriented sound.  She also ditched her J Crew turtlenecks in favor of some neon, low-cut numbers, which displayed a couple aspects of Jewel that the world had never noticed before. It’s hard to tell if they actually got bigger since they were hidden behind an acoustic guitar and a cardigan sweater for so long, but this counts as a boob job regardless.  Supposedly, her foray into pop music was a tongue-in-cheek assessment of the “celebutante” era.  Who doesn’t like a good, ironic boob job?  Satire can be wonderful, especially when it involves dressing like a prostitute!

4.  Denise Richards

Recently on The Howard Stern Show, Richards confessed to having had three boob jobs over the course of her much respected career.

Recently on The Howard Stern Show, Richards confessed to having had three boob jobs over the course of her much respected career.  That’s the kind of dedication that these young, lazy Youtube-generation actresses can learn from.  In fact, this kind of dedication leads me to believe that Charlie Sheen was at fault for their divorce, seeing as how she’s certainly not a quitter.  Agents and studio heads repeatedly kept telling her, “No one wants to see your breasts anymore.  You’ve gotten too old.  You’re a mother, for Christ’s sakes!”  But she didn’t listen, ultimately keeping her career afloat with some serious “floatation devices”.

Thanks to her determination, she has maintained the respect that an MTV Movie Award winner deserves.

3.  Heidi Montag

By banking on America’s inherent love of boobs, Montag has etched out a nice little career for herself

In many ways, Montag can credit her blossoming career to her blossoming chest.  Before her breast augmentation, she was just another cast member of The Hills, the MTV equivalent of Seinfeld, in that the show was about absolutely nothing.  While the rest of her fellow cast-mates faded into much-deserved obscurity, Montag fought the natural order of things by getting one of the least subtle boob jobs in recent history, ensuring herself some front page tabloid coverage.

But instead of marching straight down to the offices of Penthouse, Montag made a power move by marrying Spencer Pratt, an even bigger boob than the ones on her chest.  By banking on America’s inherent love of boobs, Montag has etched out a nice little career for herself and her tit of a husband.  Not only does she have her own fashion line, Heidiwood, but she’s releasing her debut album in September.  Surely, this is proof that breast implants can make you sing better.

2.  Pamela Anderson

Pam is out there letting women know that it’s okay to have big, ridiculously fake-looking breasts, a once popular look that has recently been under scrutiny.

Come on, you think we’re going to leave out Pam Anderson on a top 5 boob job countdown?  She’s like the Wayne Gretzky of breast implants.  She’s an old school girl (seriously, she’s pretty old) who still firmly believes in the motto, “the bigger, the better”.  Naturally, in this new age of iPod nanos and baby Smart Cars, Anderson’s behemoths are nothing short of grotesque.  But hey, we can’t all be cool and sarcastic and tiny like Juno.

Pam is out there letting women know that it’s okay to have big, ridiculously fake-looking breasts, a once popular look that has recently been under scrutiny.  Well you know what, prejudice is a terrible thing.  In fact, Pam is like a boob job civil rights leader.  She’s like Rosa Parks.  She’s like Rosa Parks and Wayne Gretzky but with really huge boobs.  The proof, you ask?  Back in 1999 she had breast reduction surgery to reduce the massive size of her implants.  But shortly thereafter she got her breasts enlarged again.  Those are morals, people.  You have to respect that.

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The more people in your party, the more worthwhile it will be to hire a party bus, as it’s a simple way to travel with a large group to various destinations and will ultimately be cheaper if everyone chips in. But unless you’re having the same problem that Eddie Murphy sang about in his 1985 hit “Party All the Time”, it would probably be a lot easier to hail a couple of taxis.

What is it?

Party buses can usually be spotted in their natural habitat- parked in front of nightclubs.  It is easy to recognize one, due to its large size.  In fact, party buses closely resemble regular, in other words lame, mini-buses.  In cases where the party “just don’t stop” or if the party is “off the hook, for real, for real” — an urban coach chassis (like a Greyhound, for instance) may be converted into a party bus, but those are only in extreme party cases.  And like all cool people, the party bus has many different nicknames and aliases, which sound equally as exciting, such as Party Ride, limo bus, party van, and luxury bus.

A party bus will generally come equipped with a chauffeur, who will definitely not be partaking in the partying/drinking (note: although it is usually permissible for him to nod his head to the beat of the music from time to time.)  Party buses should be able to hold at least ten people (anything less would probably just constitute as a mini-van with a really great soundsystem), although some of the larger ones can hold up to fifty people.

However, the real lure of the party bus are the amenities included.  While these are certainly not universal amongst all party bus services, some of them may include upgraded electrical systems, AM/FM stereo with CD player, video and audio systems, smoke machines, disco lights, strobe lights, on-board restrooms, and stripper poles (strippers not included, unless you’re Bret Michaels).  Depending on which service you use, you may have to bring your own booze, food, and music.

Who needs it?

Party buses are primarily used for special events, such as weddings, bachelor/bachelorette parties, proms, and birthdays.  However, if you’re just having a night out on the town with forty of your closest friends, a party bus may be the way to go, as you can arrange drop-offs and pick-ups at various bars, nightclubs, or casinos.  Also, if you use lots of gel in your hair and have lots of money, a party bus would probably be your preferred method of travel (maybe second, behind pleasure yacht).

Benefits

The biggest benefit to cruising in a party bus is that the party doesn’t have to stop after you leave the club, and it won’t involve you waking up in a holding cell being spooned by a portly cellmate.  That’s right, live life DUI-free and still get as drunk as you want to in the comfort of the backseat.  Also, you won’t have to worry about finding a parking space (especially in the city) or paying parking fees, as well as gas prices.  And you don’t have to worry about showing up late to the party due to traffic jams because you are the party (note: that last statement will actually be true, as opposed to something you tell yourself in the rearview mirror on the way to the club.)

THE BOTTOM LINE

For most people, party buses will be used sparingly or even as a one-time thing, most notably for a special occasion.  In many cases, it’s not fiscally logical, as party buses are usually expensive, and is up to you to find a service (among them Party Bus, Party Ride, 360 Party Bus, etc.) that offers a good package.  The more people in your party, the more worthwhile it will be to hire a party bus, as it’s a simple way to travel with a large group to various destinations and will ultimately be cheaper if everyone chips in.  But unless you’re having the same problem that Eddie Murphy sang about in his 1985 hit “Party All the Time”, it would probably be a lot easier to hail a couple of taxis.

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Imagine you’ve just written the final scene of your magnificent screenplay about a high school music teacher who uses music to reach the emotional core of his students, teaching them in class, though all the while, they’re teaching him in a way. You also decide to give the teacher a deaf son, so as to up the dramatic ante. You’re thinking about titling it Music Teacher McGee. But in actuality, none of this matters because the movie I described was in fact Mr. Holland’s Opus starring Richard Dreyfuss.

What is it?

Copyright and trademark lawyers specialize in a form of litigation known as intellectual property law.  Basically, attorneys specializing in intellectual property law can help clarify legal issues surrounding the rights of ownership, as well as the application or registration of trademarks and copyrights.  They can also be brought in to help with the licensing and transferring of rights and to further clarify what constitutes as illegal use of intellectual property.

While there are lawyers that specialize in the umbrella term of “intellectual property law”, there are also attorneys that specialize in specific factions under intellectual property law.  In other words, if you are solely dealing with a trademark issue, you should hire a trademark attorney, considering that he or she only deals in trademark issues and should therefore, be more knowledgeable on the subject.

There are actually three components that fall under the category of intellectual property law- trademark, copyright, and patent.  A trademark refers to a logo, name or symbol that represents a specific product or service belonging to a commercial entity.  An example would be the apple found on Macintosh computers (which leads one to wonder what the trademark is for an actual apple).  Copyright protection grants authors of literary, dramatic, musical, and artistic works (as well as computer software) protection of their ideas.  So if you start a band and want to name it Jethro Tull, the real Jethro Tull will probably sue you under copyright infringement.  Lastly, patents grant the right to exclude others from making, using, selling, or importing an invention or discovery.  And getting a patent on an invention is worthwhile because if you are an inventor, you probably don’t have a job.

Who needs it?

Those with a proclivity towards the artistic will most likely be the ones who benefit most from copyright and trademark attorneys.  That is to say, most intellectual property law (or any practice of law for that matter) can be rather dense and confusing, especially to creative types, what with their goatees and berets and ponytails.  Intellectual property law can be especially difficult, considering that it is constantly changing as it tries to adapt to the internet age.  Therefore, in order to keep your best ideas protected, it’s probably in your best interest to sit down with a copyright or trademark lawyer if you have any serious questions pertaining to the legal protection of your work.

It should also be noted that your work does not have to be published in order to be copyrighted.  It costs a small fee, but it will probably be worth it, especially if you have an idea that you’re worried someone else will cash in on.  However, because the costs of attorneys can be high-end, you’ll probably only need to deal with one if your work is being published.

Benefits

You will definitely benefit from having a specialized copyright or trademark attorney at your side if you ever need to trademark or copyright something.  The truth is almost any lawyer can register trademarks or copyrights, but most lawyers also lack familiarity with the fundamentals of intellectual property law.  If you need a lawyer for this particular field, you might as well seek a specialist.

Also, the benefits of copyright protection are pretty great, as copyrights last for the life of the author, as well as 50 years after their death.  Unfortunately, trademark protection is less convenient, as it lasts only ten years after registration before it needs to be renewed again.  However, it can be harder to prove copyright infringement on someone else’s behalf because it will only be considered in violation if the defendant consciously duplicated the material in question.  Therefore, it is considerably easier to call someone out for trademark infringement than it is copyright infringement.

THE BOTTOM LINE
If copyright and trademark issues ever arise in your career, you’d be foolish not to confer with a copyright or trademark lawyer.  It’s their job to know how to handle these situations, just like it’s your job to have a wild imagination.  Even if you were a writer for Murphy Brown and consider yourself to be quite smart, don’t take chances with your copyrighted or trademarked work.

If you are considering lawyers, check out the following links to find specialists in your area:

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Unlike other “coffee table” design books, Dreaming Green isn’t only about beautiful photographs and design plans.  For each of the seventeen eco-friendly homes featured in this book, there are up to five pages of detailed explanation about what types of materials went into transforming that home and how they were obtained, as well insight into the design process.  Dreaming Green features a variety of homes from an “eco-farmhouse” in upstate New York to an “eco-manor” in Atlanta, Georgia.

For those who are considering making environmentally conscious changes in their own homes, there are over ten pages of resources in the back of the book, providing readers with access to many of the materials utilized in the featured homes.   The “Resources” section includes everything from eco-friendly paints to kitchen cabinetry to flooring to geothermal heating, and much more.  This section alone makes Dreaming Green an invaluable resource for people who are seriously planning to renovate their own homes.

Gleicher, Paul, and Lisa Sharkey. Dreaming Green. 1st ed. New York: Clarkson Potter, 2008.

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Experts say that after heat, the next biggest cause of damage to wine is lights. Keep wine away from any extreme light sources, such as big bay windows or halogen lamps.

But like Fred, most of us aren’t fortunate enough to to be able to keep our wine stored beneath the earth. Genuine wine cellars are rare, and while professional storage is an option, it’s inconvenient if you want to grab a couple of bottles of delicately aged 1990 Chateau Ducru-Beaucaillou when the boss unexpectedly drops in.

So what are the alternatives? Keeping ten or 15 bottles of booze in a simple wooden wine rack within spitting distance of the dining room table seems to do the job for the vast majority of us. But if you are a bit vehement about keeping your vino in good health, there are far better ways.

In fact, all too often people tend to keep expensive wine on display, gazing at it often as they wonder when to finally open it. Unfortunately, when they finally to get around to the uncorking – or unscrewing, as is often the case these days – they find it ruined.

Wine that has been sitting on top of the fridge in a wooden wine rack, vibrating and getting hot, is often not drinkable. And if you are spending $20 on a bottle or more, even $200 and up, it just doesn’t make sense not to store it properly.

Top Tips for Storing Wine Correctly

• Wine storage began in underground caves which allowed wine to age at the right pace. Today, wine should be stored at conditions that reflect those grottoes: about 11-12 degrees centigrade with 55-75% relative humidity. If wine is stored at higher temperatures, its natural development is accelerated.
• In fact, the most crucial aspect about storing wine is heat fluctuations, especially excessive heat. You need a fairly constant temperature, ideally about 11-12 degrees.
• Light can also affect wine, which optimally should be stored in the dark. Slightly damp conditions are best, as an atmosphere that is too dry can be detrimental. In fact, a very dry or humid environment can make the corks dry out.
• Avoid putting those bottles of precious vino next to pipes, radiators and any type of heating vent, and whatever you do, keep all bottles away from the sun. Think of wine as a fine painting: when left in direct sunlight, its value begins to fade.
• Experts say that after heat, the next biggest cause of damage to wine is lights. Keep wine away from any extreme light sources, such as big bay windows or halogen lamps.

Keeping Things Cool – At Home

If you have time, space, budget and energy to invest in the right wine storage system, remember that this will also depend on a number of external factors – some of which may be out of your control, such as budget and space. How many bottles you wish to store is also of paramount importance.

Your own personal requirements will dictate whether you’re looking to buy a sophisticated refrigerated cooling system for your kitchen, install a series of wine hives in your storage room, or convert a basement or garage into a fully equipped wine cellar.

Prices for good quality coolers depend largely on size. These redesigned fridges keep your wine at a higher temperature with altered humidity levels, they are also built to minimize vibration. More gimmicky ones have multi-temperature zones, enabling you to keep your full-bodied reds and sweet whites at varying temperatures.

For most of us such a fridge is more than adequate, as your average wine lover has no interest in storing more than 200 bottles at home. But if you like to entertain – and have extra room and loads of cash – coolers are available that will comfortably store up to – wait for it – 1,000 bottles.

Professional Wine Storage

If you do want to keep your bottles off-site, especially if you are interested in re-selling them at a later date or leaving them to your grandchildren in 30 years’ time, then professional wine storage may be your best bet. Many companies these days provide private customers with professional cellarage facilities, with most wines insured at their full replacement value.

For a closer-to-home solution, a personal wine cellar is best. Wine enthusiasts have been known to convert everything from garages to cellars to disused backyard bomb shelters into personal wine cellars, although if it’s not underground, expect to install a special air-conditioning system as well as some type of irrigation mechanism, to control the humidity.

If you want to build an underground cellar from scratch yourself, experts say going as deep in the soil as possible will make the biggest difference. When you reach a certain level underground you get a constant temperature, and materials such as brick and cement are very good for a slow temperature exchange. This is important as wine doesn’t like to be shocked. It can’t be one temperature one day and another temperature the next, or you’ll know it.

Going underground isn’t as hard as you may think. Some companies can install a prefabricated wine cellar in a garage, storage room, extension or underneath any home where there is a 2.50 meter space to excavate. Cellars come with waterproof liners and a cooling system can be installed as well, if needed.
But if you can’t afford anything too fancy, make use of what you already have. An old chimney breast is often a good idea, as the temperature in the fireplace for medium-term storage is very good. It will also protect your wine from light.

Visit our friends at Grotto Cellars to find more info on wine storage and a large selection of modular wine racks to compliment your wine collection.  http://www.grottocellars.com

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When cutting back on food costs, one of the biggest mistakes people make is replacing 3-course dinners with a bowl of Ramen noodles. That's because unless you properly balance your diet, you will feel hungry more frequently and are more likely to binge on whatever food is available.

So to help you weather the storm, we’ve made a guide that’ll get you the most bang for your buck when it comes to preparing food.

The Basics

When cutting back on food costs, one of the biggest mistakes people make is replacing 3-course dinners with a bowl of Ramen noodles. This is not only unhealthy, but it is ultimately going to cost you in the long run. That’s because unless you properly balance your diet, you will feel hungry more frequently and are more likely to binge on whatever food is available.

The key to avoiding this problem is to make sure you’re getting the right amount of protein, vitamins, carbohydrates, fats and vegetables – and getting them cheap. So keep the 3-course dinner, but downsize the costs.

Go Green

Vegetables should be an important part of every meal and just because you’re cutting back costs doesn’t require that you cut back on greens. Instead, save money by buying frozen vegetables. Frozen vegetables are great cost-savers for a few reasons.

One reason is that you can buy them in bulk and bulk is always cheaper. The second is that even if you’re buying large quantities, because they’re frozen you don’t need to worry about them going bad right away. Most fresh vegetables have a pretty short lifespan and people are constantly wasting food by disposing of moldy greens. Frozen vegetables can be used as needed and as an added benefit, they’re easier to prepare.

The Bulker the Better

Thanks to our wonderful consumer society, magical places like Costco and Sams Club have opened up around the country allowing people to buy any grocery item by the thousands. And though buying bulk is a must for caterers and restaurants, it can also help save money for the individual.

However, there’s a danger to buying bulk that many don’t realize as if it’s not done properly, it can result in losses rather than gains. That’s because people often stroll through the aisles of a Costco, stop and think “Hm… I love duck sauce, and a hundred bottles for $200 seems like a real bargain.” Stop. Backup. Start again.

Buying in bulk only saves you money if you buy responsibly. Staples such as chicken, beef, vegetables, tuna fish, tomato sauce and pasta are great items for bulk purchases because they can be fashioned in different ways to create a thousand different dishes. Just because you buy 100 frozen chicken breasts doesn’t mean you have to cook chicken and duck sauce every night – unless you buy a hundred bottles of duck sauce.

So consider the dishes your family loves best and pick out the common ingredients that tie those meals together and make a list. Then, when you head to Costco, keep your head down and pick up only what you have on the list.

BREAKFAST, Lunch and dinner

Even though from birth we have pounded into our brains the fact that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, many people (especially Americans) seem to reverse this knowledge and focus on dinner. This trend is bad news for both your waistline and your wallet.

The reason breakfast is so important is because it sets the stage for the rest of the day. If you start off hungry, you’ll get to work or school and fill up on a snack in order to hold you over until lunch. A healthy breakfast not only gets you through the morning, but it’s also one of the most cost-effective meals of the day. Eggs are still relatively cheap and a great source of protein. Mix that with some whole-wheat toast and a piece of fruit and you’ve just started off the day with a well-balanced, cost-effective breakfast.

Furthermore, as the day goes on the meals tend to become more expensive simply because Americans are accustomed to large dinners – something that has contributed to the nation’s obesity crisis since the later you eat, the more unhealthy it is. Try cooking simpler foods for dinner such as chicken and rice instead of three-cheese lasagna. Additionally, you can keep the food simple while still keeping it interesting by investing in some exotic spices, some sauces and using different cooking methods. For instance, grill your chicken one night and bake it the next. Same chicken, wildly varying tastes.

Poor foods, rich tastes

Finally, don’t forget that some of our old world foods that were once the staples of the poor are still cheap but can be prepared to be very tasty. Such examples include lentil soup, spaghetti and tomato sauce, rice and beans and beef stews. Thanks to our globalized grocery stores, interesting spices are as easy to come by as milk, and so with the proper ingredients, simple dishes become gourmet delights.

Take spaghetti and tomato sauce for example. By adding your own vegetables, spices and meat, you can turn a can of Hunts into a unique and flavorful sauce. Another cheap meal is the taco. Corn tortillas are one of the cheapest sources of carbohydrates available, so prepare a taco night with beans, rice, lettuce and a protein base such as beef or chicken for a great south-of-the-border dinner.

Also, when it comes to saving money, nothing is cheaper than replacing unhealthy sodas and sugary drinks with tap water. Most cities in the United States have very clean tap water that is entirely safe to drink. And while there might be some adjusting to the difference in taste, it has been proven that a preference in water is almost completely psychological and based on conditioning. So a good way around this is to buy a bottle of your favorite water and fill it up at the sink when it runs out. You still get the pristige of holding a Fiji bottle without having to waste plastic and money every time you run out.

One final tip is to keep in mind that the recession is being felt by everyone. So even if you’re catering for guests, don’t feel compelled to throw down hundreds of dollars on a fancy feast. Ask people to bring a dish of their own so that you can all trade recipes. Don’t feel embarrassed by taking your lunch to work – instead, find coworkers who will make the change with you. And don’t forget that the country is going through a change right now, and extravagant consumerism is now being frowned on. So feel good about yourself and confident about your savings by following these simple tips that will keep you and your savings account healthy.

If you enjoyed reading this, check out our companion article Business Lunch Box: A Guide to Bringing Lunch to Work!

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In the wild, testicles are a source of confidence. I think.

Pet Cosmetic Surgery
Nose jobs, skin fold reductions, dental surgery – these are all animal cosmetic surgeries that also have a medical purpose. A nose job can improve breathing, a skin fold reduction can reduce the risk of infection and dental surgery can improve your pet’s bite.

Other plastic surgery options are a little more indulgent, like Neuticles®, the testicular implants that have sold over a quarter million pairs since 1995. Intended for self-conscious pets with “neuter-hesitant” owners, Neuticles come in NeuticlesOriginal, NeuticlesNatural and NeuticlesUltraPlus, which feature a special textured exterior for the extra discerning buyer. The creators tell us that neutering a pet is unethical and unnatural, but “with Neuticles, it’s like nothing ever changed”! So who is this helping, the dog or the owner? Either way, we think Neuticles are nuts.

The Amour Amour diamond doggie collar retails between $280,000 and $480,000.

Pet Fashion
Give your pooch a leg up on the competition with the Amour Amour, a “one-of-a-kind” 52 carat diamond doggie collar retailing between $280,000 and $480,000 from I Love Dog Diamonds. Considered in the context of the $45.4 billion Americans spend on pet care last year, the price tag doesn’t seem all that big anymore.  The website tells us that these diamonds are available in custom design to “fully reflect your style and your dog’s personality,” so maybe you could get something in the image of a dog peeing on a homeless person. And when there aren’t any homeless people around, puppy can

When there aren’t any homeless people nearby, puppy can relieve itself in your $1900 Louis Vuitton pet carrier with washable lining.

relieve itself in your $1900 Louis Vuitton pet carrier with washable lining. Don’t make the faux paw of showing up at the Pet Resort without this hot new accessory!

Pet Resorts
In this dog eat caviar world, hotels are offering luxury pet packages with amenities that include massages, acupuncture, blueberry facials, pet parties and personal attendants. The new London pet hotel, Elmtree, offers web cam service, so you can keep tabs on patches while you’re out running errands for her. At the Top Dog Country Club in Minnesota, activities include watching television, pedicures and swimming in the heated inground doggy pool. If Pooches isn’t feeling up to playing and socializing, some pet hotels, like Paws 4 Paradise, partner with pet shrinks who are available for 1 on 1 therapy sessions. Only don’t call them pet shrinks. They prefer applied animal behaviorists, probably because it has more syllables.

Pet Shrinks
Just like we impose our fashions and lifestyles on our dogs, sometimes we also impose our neuroses. These days, pets are being treated for a wide variety of mental conditions that seem to mirror our own. Veterinarians routinely prescribe drugs for disorders such as separation anxiety and compulsive disorder–drugs which in many cases were originally designed for humans.

That fact made me stop and think about what we have in common with animals and how we treat them. And in researching this article, I was actually surprised to find that the most gratuitous pet luxuries weren’t as extravagant as I expected them to be. The Louis Vuitton pet carrier, albeit rather pricy, serves a valid purpose, as do pet kennels, behaviorists and surgeons (alright, I’m not gonna defend Neuticles). Maybe it’s not so bad to lavish a little extra attention on Puddles every once in a while, so don’t feel guilty because you took your dog on that weekend getaway, feel guilty because you left your wife at home.

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