There is not one prescribed set of solutions when it comes to marriage counseling. It’s more about finding solutions that work for you as a couple, says Linda Miller-deBerard, who runs Confidential Care Professional Counseling, based in Colleyville, Texas. She specializes in treatment of women’s issues, mood disorders and marriage counseling, and talks here about how finding customized solutions for you and your partner is all part of the grand plan.
Solutions to help a marriage not only survive but flourish have to be tailor-made to each couple. Solutions by and large come in the form of compromise, with both partners willing to meet their spouse’s needs. When you think about what your partner needs instead of what you need, you will get closer to those solutions.
Relationship Dissatisfaction
The most common complaints seen in therapist’s offices include depression, anxiety and relationship dissatisfaction. We are all aware of the growing divorce rate. Everyone knows the horror stories about sitting in courtrooms, dividing assets and playing tug of war with the children. What people don’t know is that this doesn’t have to happen.
If even one person is willing to do things differently, a relationship can survive and flourish. Couples talk a lot about not being able to communicate. Unfortunately, they communicate plenty, but the way they do it is destructive. Sometimes just committing and practicing talking to your partner the way you would talk to a friend, co-worker or supervisor can make a huge difference.
Many people believe that conflict and anger are signs of a relationship failing. Conflict can be productive if ground rules are established for discussing heated topics. Conflict can be either destructive or constructive, depending on how it is handled.
Who is a Priority?
Couples often say they don’t feel like a priority to their spouse because families are so stressed and there is no time together. Having a specific plan about how to make this happen can make a huge difference because time and opportunity seldom appear out of the blue.
Couples can stay together if they have different backgrounds, beliefs and interests. They can learn effective ways to manage differences and nurture what they have in common.
Other common problems focus on finances, parenting issues and blended or extended family relationships. Finding win-win compromises and clarifying those compromises in concrete terms can provide workable formulas for success.
Not Feeling Loved
Often, couples talk about not feeling loved. There is no doubt that men and women speak different languages regarding emotional issues. One key to resolving this is having an open conversation defining what makes each person feel loved. Too often people show love in the way they want to receive it, assuming it is what their partner wants, and therefore completely missing the target.
Every married person owes it to himself, his children and his loved ones to do everything humanly possible to make his marriage survive. Intact families have healthier children, healthier finances and longer, more satisfied lives. If this can’t happen, a healthy, collaborative divorce is the best option.
