It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for. Your last child has packed up his room and has gone off to live on his own. After years of sacrificing and foregoing romance in favor of homework help and homecooked meals, you and your spouse finally have the house to yourselves. You can laugh, sing, or be intimate without having to worry about scaring your child. You can finally do things on your schedule and cater to your needs and desires. Yet somehow, something doesn’t feel right. Perhaps it’s the look and feel of those newly emptied bedrooms; or maybe it’s the realization that for some reason, this newfound freedom from your children just doesn’t feel as good as you expected it to feel. If this sounds like you, then you’re probably suffering from something that is rather common among parents in similar situations — empty nest syndrome.
Empty next syndrome is the kind of thing that you don’t expect to be a problem until it actually becomes a problem. After all, as long as your kids are living at home, you’re probably so focused on being a parent that you don’t stop to think about the loneliness involved in them being gone until it smacks you in the face. However, you need not get too down about the fact that your children have grown up and moved on. In fact, according to licensed professional counselor Elliott Connie, this could actually be quite an exciting stage in your life.
The best way to cope with empty nest syndrome is to simply treat your new circumstance as positive, not negative. Instead of getting teary when you walk past those bare bedrooms, focus on the new opportunities that the situation affords you. You might want to use one of those empty rooms for that library you’ve always wanted. Or perhaps you’ll turn that corner room into a gym. The possibilities are truly endless. Just make sure to save some room in case your kids ever want to visit for a weekend.
When dealing with empty nest syndrome, it is important to realize that your relationship with your children is not over; it’s just different. The fact that your children no longer live at home does not mean that they now need you less. Rather, they simply need you differently. Remember, “different” isn’t always a bad thing.
Another good way to cope with empty nest syndrome is to turn to your spouse for support. After all, you are both in this together, and you should work as a unit to turn a tear-inducing situation into one that can take a positive toll on your relationship. Instead of shutting each other out, use this as an opportunity to get to know each other again. Rediscover yourselves in ways that you were never able to with the presence of children around. And yes, you should do so on an emotional level as well as a physical one.
Remember, it’s not just your children who are gaining independence; you, as a couple, are also gaining the chance to finally focus on yourselves. Why not celebrate that? Plan some elaborate date nights or sign up for the cooking classes that you’ve both always wanted to take. Make plans to travel and start visiting all those corners of the world that years ago, deep in the throws of childraising, seemed like places that you’d only get to read about. Create a new chapter of life to be excited about so that missing your children is a feeling that gets placed on the back burner and doesn’t take over your day to day thought process.
In any life situation, it helps to focus on what you could be gaining instead of on what you’re losing. Yes, your children might be growing up, but with that comes the opportunity to extend your family even further by having them go off to college, get married, and have children of their own. Sure, you’re bound to miss having the kids around from time to time, but think of all those wonderful adventures which you and your spouse can now embark. Besides, admit it: There’s just something to be said about finally having peace and quiet under your roof.
